You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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