i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
