she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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