haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
