Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
