I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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