why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
