Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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