You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
