i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my liver is dry heaving
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
