I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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