I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
