she takes plan B like it's going out of style
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
