it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Bring me that man meat
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
