Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
