trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
