No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
