...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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