we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
