super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
