I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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