Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Enjoy the penises
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
