Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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