Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
