So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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