So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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