pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
