How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
