I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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