Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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