and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
