My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
