my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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