We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
