Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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