I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
