Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
