Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
