Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's official drugs can't kill me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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