I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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