You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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