My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
