i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
