Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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