you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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