my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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