When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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