we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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