please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
