What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
