Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
