saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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