watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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