"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
